The Four Pillars of Emotional Intelligence: How to Develop Your EI for Success
Imagine you're at a job interview for your dream job. You're confident, well-prepared, and ready to show the interviewer why you're the best candidate. But as soon as you sit down, your nerves get the best of you. You stumble over your words, your palms start sweating, and you can feel your face turning red. The interviewer notices your discomfort and the rest of the interview is a blur. You leave feeling defeated and disappointed, knowing that your lack of emotional control just cost you the job.
Emotional intelligence is a skill that can help us navigate situations like this with grace and confidence. It refers to our ability to recognize and manage our emotions, as well as those of others. In this post, we'll explore the four key pillars of emotional intelligence and how they can help us succeed in both our personal and professional lives.
Self-awareness:
The first pillar of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This refers to the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions, as well as their impact on thoughts, behaviors, and interactions. As Daniel Goleman, author of "Emotional Intelligence," explains, "If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people."
Self-awareness requires introspection and reflection. It means taking the time to understand why we feel the way we do and how those emotions affect our actions. When we have a strong sense of self-awareness, we can better regulate our emotions and make more informed decisions.
Self-management:
The second pillar of emotional intelligence is self-management. This refers to our ability to regulate our emotions and behaviors in a productive manner. As Goleman explains, "The ability to manage our emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to our performance."
Self-management requires discipline and practice. It means recognizing our triggers and finding healthy ways to cope with stress and negative emotions. When we can regulate our emotions and behaviors, we are better equipped to handle challenging situations and make rational decisions.
Social awareness:
The third pillar of emotional intelligence is social awareness. This refers to our ability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others. As Goleman explains, "Empathy is the quintessential emotional intelligence skill."
Social awareness requires active listening and observation. It means paying attention to nonverbal cues and understanding the perspective of others. When we have a strong sense of social awareness, we can build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively.
Relationship management:
The fourth and final pillar of emotional intelligence is relationship management. This refers to our ability to build and maintain healthy relationships with others. As Goleman explains, "In a very real sense, we have two minds - one that thinks and one that feels."
Relationship management requires effective communication and conflict resolution skills. It means being able to express ourselves clearly and work collaboratively with others. When we have strong relationship management skills, we can build trust and loyalty with others and achieve shared goals.
Case Study
Sophie and Alex had been in an on/off relationship for several months when something Alex did deeply hurt Sophie, making her feel betrayed and bewildered that anyone would act this way towards her. Sophie felt betrayed, angry and distraught but wasn't sure whether or not she could forgive him.
Sophie understood her pain was only temporary; despite what Alex had caused, she still loved him deeply and did not wish for the relationship to end. To improve relations she decided to practice empathy and attempt to understand Alex's perspective; realizing he may not have intended to hurt her but was likely dealing with his own struggles at that moment in time.
Sophie made a conscious choice to forgive Alex despite him never offering an apology, realizing that forgiveness meant more than simply releasing herself of anger or pain; it meant practicing emotional regulation in her relationship and managing it optimally.
Sophie and Alex eventually were able to work through their differences and build a more harmonious, mutual relationship. Both understood the power of forgiveness, empathy, emotional regulation, and emotional intelligence when applied effectively in relationships.
This case study illuminates the critical significance of relationship management as a fourth pillar of emotional intelligence. By practicing forgiveness and empathy, Sophie managed her emotions more effectively while working toward healing their relationship - leading them both towards increased emotional intelligence levels as they developed closer ties between themselves. This also enabled them to strengthen emotional IQ together as a team while building stronger, healthier bonds together.
Developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing process that requires time, effort, and practice. As Goleman explains, "Emotional intelligence can be learned and developed by anyone, at any time." By cultivating self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, we can become more successful in our personal and professional lives.
So, the challenge for you is to start developing your emotional intelligence today. Take the time to reflect on your emotions and how they affect your interactions with others. Practice regulating your emotions and behaviors in a productive manner. Pay attention to the emotions of others and work on building stronger relationships.
Remember, as Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." By developing emotional intelligence , we can make a positive impact on the people around us and create more fulfilling relationships.
It's important to note that developing emotional intelligence is not a one-size-fits-all process. What works for one person may not work for another. It's important to find the strategies and techniques that work best for you and to continue learning and growing as you go.
In the end, the benefits of emotional intelligence are clear. From improved communication to better decision-making, developing emotional intelligence can help us succeed in all aspects of our lives. So, take the first step today and start cultivating your emotional intelligence. Embark on our 30 day challenge to improve your emotional intelligence. Subscribe to our blog to get our 30day challenge.. Your future self will thank you for it.
References:
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.
Angelou, M. (n.d.). Goodreads. Retrieved April 9, 2023, from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/5497-i-ve-learned-that-people-will-forget-what-you-said
Bradberry, T. (2016, January 6). Emotional intelligence: The social skills you weren't taught in school. Forbes. Retrieved April 9, 2023, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2016/01/06/emotional-intelligence-the-social-skills-you-werent-taught-in-school/?sh=17b71dcd3436
